Today, I am thankful

I am thankful for Abbegale and Luke.  So very, very, thankful.  They have not had an ideal life, yet they are the most loving, kind-hearted, sweet children I know.  I am much more permissive with them than I ever was with Maurissa and Emmalee.  Last night, I went to take a bath and they asked if they could watch a movie on Netflix instant view.  I said of course, and gave them no restrictions.  What did they choose to watch?  VeggieTales.  My almost 12 year old and 9 1/2 year old chose VeggieTales over all kinds of other movies, and this was not because I would have scolded them if they had chosen otherwise.  I am just so very blessed.  

I am thankful for a mother who taught me how to cook.  Funds are tight around here due to me missing a couple of days work when I traveled to Minnesota.  But I am able to look around, find ingredients, and throw together really good meals.  Tonight it was sausage and spinach quiche.  And you know, I am thankful for times when money is in tight supply.  God always shows me that we will want for nothing and using up odds and ends to make new meals brings me great joy.  

I am thankful for my sweet pets.  How I have the two most precious kitties and the sweetest dog on Earth is a mystery.  I have had plenty of stupid, annoying animals in my life, but these three live harmoniously with each other and give all of us joy.

I am thankful that God never gave up on me and that He chose me to be His daughter.  I am so thankful for the grace that makes this possible, for if it were up to me and the things I do and do not do, I would be condemned to hell for sure.  It is a mystery that is too great for me to understand in my mind, but my souls understands and rejoices in it.

Oh, and I am really thankful that I can read and for all the lovely stories out there in the world that I can escape to now and then.

Tonja

Pure Joy

For the first time, this past Christmas, I bought Advent calendars for Abbe and Luke.  Just cheap little cardboard ones from World Market.  Each night they would open their little window, eat their chocolate, and snuggle in my bed with me as I read a few of the Christmas books I have collected.  EVERY NIGHT.  You who know me well must know what an amazing feat this is.  It was WONDERFUL and all three of us looked forward to it every night.  Then, Christmas was here, and the calendars were empty, and we went back to the old way of doing things.  And...we all missed it.  And...I got really convicted.  These precious, beautiful, amazing children are a GIFT!  I had BETTER be able to put aside a half hour a day to spend with them.  So, on Sunday I picked up a devotion a day book from my churches library, and we started our nighttime reading/snuggle routine again.  And tonight, my precious son asked me to pray with him to ask Jesus in his heart.  And then he asked if besides reading the devotional book, if I would read at least one page of the Bible with him each night.  My heart is overflowing with joy.  Abbe, too, has been profoundly effected by this.  One of the devotions talked about prayer and about how when we pray it is just like talking to a friend, and that Jesus really is our best friend and will never leave us.  Abbe has has some mixed feelings about moving, but the other night when I tucked her in after our devotion time, she said "even if all my friends here forget me, and I don't make any new friends in Minnesota, I know that I will always have at least one friend".  I said, "and who would that be?"  She replied "God".  Thank you Lord for the Super Strength Miracle Grow you are using on me and my children.

What is wrong with me?

On Sunday, at church, the Moody Symphonic band was there, and they led our worship.  It was really beautiful.  Toward the end, they had the congregation join them in the hymn "How Great Thou Art".  I started sobbing.  So hard.  I had to bury my face in my hands so I wouldn't make those around me uncomfortable.  Why?  Because I cannot hear that song without hearing my daddy's bass voice singing right next to me.  And that hurts so bad.  It makes me miss him so acutely...Then today, my mom sent me an email reminding me to send a card to my dad's twin brother Lyle because Saturday is his 70th birthday.  I did send him a card.  I am really happy to do so, but...I HATE that I can't celebrate my dad's 70th birthday with him.  In March, he will have been gone for 10 years.  A decade.  But I can't let him go.  I just can't.  I still miss him.  I still want to wake up and find out it has just been a bad dream.  When I go to MN, I want him to be sitting in his chair and see his face turn into one big smile at the sight of his grandkids.  I want to hug him, and feel his hug right back.  I want to tell him that if I sat down and tried to imagine the best dad in the world, I could never have even imagined someone as wonderful as he is.  I want to tell him that life on Earth was a million times better when he was here.  I know I will see him again.  I long for that day.