I am sitting here, trying to sort through my thoughts in order to write something witty, or deep, or interesting, but alas, I don't think I will be able to be any of those things. I am in a bit of a melancholy mood. On one hand, I feel so thankful for my nice warm home, the beautiful snow, my beautiful children, this blessed season. On the other hand, I am fighting against restlessness. I keep wanting things to be different. Better. But I cannot let these days that I do have slip away while I hope for a better time. I have done that far too much all ready. I am having merry-go-round thoughts. I need to do laundry. And finish my Christmas shopping list. And find some recipes for Will's Christmas party that we are going to tomorrow. And cook supper. And wrap presents. And so on and so on and so on. And I get paralyzed. I just don't know where to start. This has been a longstanding problem. I basically end up doing nothing until something becomes a crisis. I guess if I make a list and try to prioritize things that would help, maybe? I will go try it. But honestly, I am not holding out much hope. I have to actually LOOK at the list in order to remember I made one in the first place...

Love, Tonja

Church

Well, Will, Abbe, Luke and I went to a different church today. It is called Grace Bible Church in Portage. It is about 20 minutes north of here, and Sauk is about 15 minutes SW of here. I have had a heavy heart for my little kids lately that they don't have an official Sunday School, and they don't have a Christian club to go to on a different night of the week. And in small towns, there are not a lot of options. I had held out on Sauk for quite a while, because I wanted my kids to go to church with kids they went to school with. I was stubborn on that point, but the fact is, that just wasn't working out. Will didn't like River Hills any more, and I was neutral on it. The main reason I kept going is that I wanted Issa and Emma to go, but they basically weren't any more, so what was the point of continuing on going to a church that was not meeting my families needs? However, I was leery of leaving because Will was raised in a family that church hopped. As soon as someone offended his mom, they left. And why did Will not care for River Hills so much any more? Because some people had offended him. But last week, after being gone a few weeks, I was going to give it one more try (at River Hills) and when we got there, they had cancelled the second service that we were heading for without letting us know. I just felt like in my soul that was God closing the door of River Hills to us. And as far as attending church in Sauk, we could go back to SPEFC, however I did not want to do that. Most of the people who attend there are good people, but there are a few in leadership who have their own agendas that they place above God's agendas, and seeing that soured my ability to worship. And the other churches in town are either VERY legalistic or liturgical. Neither of those options appealed to me. So, I began searching for a church in Baraboo. I was basing my search on what they had to offer to school age kids and I ran into a roadblock. Just couldn't find what I was looking for. Well, Will suggested we look to Portage since it really isn't much further from our house than Baraboo. We looked on line and found two churches. The one we decided to try today was Grace Bible Church. I am cautiously optimistic that we have found a new church home. They have Awana on Wednesday nights, Sunday school on Sundays for kids AND adults. The pastor preached from Acts, and it was not a watered down sermon at all. And sadly for me, he was easy to listen to. I say that because I have had a hard time in the past paying attention to very good knowledgable pastors because their style did not hold my attention. I guess the closest thing I can say is that it feels like the Anoka Covenant Church I grew up in. It is pretty traditional, but that is comforting in some ways, at least for Will. I am just putting one foot in front of the other, praying that God would lead us where he wants us to be. Today, it felt right. We will go to Awana on Wednesday and see how that goes. Also, they have a choir that practices Wednesdays while the kids have Awana. That would be good for me. If any of you want to pray that God would cement in my soul whether this is his will for us right now, I would appreciate it. Sorry for the lengthy post, but that is what is on my mind today.

Love, Tonja

God is Amazing!!!

So, I know I left a lot of question marks in your brains after my last post, and I do thank you for your prayers. They worked. I know it is "wrong?" to ask God for signs. But I did. And he gave them to me. I will quickly outline the last few days.

Will was back in his cycle, and playing games and being manipulative.

I had enough, and knew I had to speak frankly with Will about my feelings, and be willing to leave the relationship if he could or would not hear me. I prayed and told God that when I went to talk to Will on Saturday, if he did as he usually did (blame and manipulate) then I was going to tell Will we needed to divorce. If, however, he acted in a calm, civilized manner, and listened to me, then I would know that God did not wish for me to leave.

The next day, Will called me at work. He was calm. He was rational. He wanted to talk. We did. He listened to me and did not blame or manipulate. I didn't leave him.

Things are not perfect, nor do I ever expect them to be, but I am grateful I have a God who hears me and cares about me.

Thanks for your prayers.

Love, Tonja

Life? !

I am feeling like I am at a crossroads. It is one of those times where you have been fighting and fighting against the stark truth you know deep down inside, but I guess hoping that if you ignore it, it will go away. And it is scary to finally acknowledge the truth openly. I have no idea what the future holds, but I have to believe it can only get better.

Pray for me, if you think of it. I could really use it.

Love, Tonja

First Day of School - 2008

Here are all 3 of my kiddos who are "going off to school".

Issa, first day of college.

Luke, first day of kindegarten.

Issa, bright and early, ready to conquer the world....
or at least algebra, english, chemistry, freshman orientation and choir!

Emma. She did her coursework for the week at midnight, so she's sleeping in a bit. So far so good...Way to go Emma!

First day of school 2008.

Hot and humid. (we reached our first 90 degree day today).

First day of school outfits....altered to something a little cooler.

With their backpacks all filled with all kinds of good things,

Abbe and Luke could NOT wait to get going!

Not a bad word to be said by anyone of this first day of school.

Each and every one is excited to return tomorrow.

YAY!

Love, Tonja

Summers End

Well, summer is about over. The kids have gone to Mamma's and are home again. Issa has turned 18, and gone to her college convocation (which was awesome...I am really excited for her. UW Baraboo is an EXCELLENT fit for her), tomorrow is cow chip, then we have a couple days to get things in order, and then school starts. Yes, summer is over. I could wax so poetically now if I let myself flow. The summer of my life is coming to and end as well. No more babies. I am nearing 40. I guess you could say I am coming in to the Autumn of my life. That is ok. I love autumn. I hope this stage of life is as lovely as the season.

Anyways, that's what's on my mind tonight...
Love, Tonja

Saturdays

Today has been a rather typical Saturday in everything except my Maurissa has been home all day. We went to Baraboo earlier today and ate at "The Pizza Ranch". They had a buffet and it was quite good. I saw a brochure for it when I was up in Baraboo last week to get Abbe and Luke's hair cut, and I have been obsessing about trying it. So, now I got that out of my system. We will probably go back if we are ever in Baraboo and starving.

I am thankful Maurissa has been around. She got her hair cut too. In a sassy shorter layered style that suits her well. And we have just had a really nice time talking and just hanging around. Emma is off with Mathew of course.

Baseball and Summer School are done for the summer. I just have two more weeks of full time daycare left and then Abbe and Luke go to MN for a week, and then Issa, Emma and I go for 5 days. Then home for Maurissa's College Convocation on the evening of August 27th, Cowchip that weekend, and then...School starts! I am looking forward to it, because I think my life will settle down quite a bit. Only one drop off in the am, and one pick up in the pm, and I have gotten it approved to work 4 - 9 hour days amd one half day, so I will have a little time to myself each week. I desperately need that.

Well, I have rambled on long enough...
Love, Tonja

Another one, all ready!

Ok, I hope I do not get a phone call that my mom is in the hospital after she sees that I have blogged yet again in less than a week. I am sure at the very least she will faint.! Sorry mom.

Today has been a typical late July day. Hot. There is some rain off to the west and I really hope it makes it here, as we really need the rain. Never thought we'd say that this summer, but it is true! The grass is getting dry.

My oldest and dearest friend Stephanie is coming in September. I am soooo looking forward to that. I have missed her. We don't talk nearly as much as we used to due to both of us having four children and working. But even when we go months without talking, as soon as we get on the phone we pick up right where we left off. I pray all of my children have a bosom friend like I have in Steph some day. She truly is a very special gift from God.

Our little puppy Teddy got "Fixed" on Friday. You'd never know it. He is a spunky as ever. We can't slow him down. He and Luke are a good pair. Neverending energy. If I or anyone else could figure out how to harness that energy, I could easily go off the grid and have energy to spare!

Well, I guess that is about all that is up for now. I want to go watch my Sunday Shows. I watch Hometime, This Old House, and Ask This Old House, and then I watch America's Funniest Home Videos. Then it is bathtime and bedtime for the little kids, and then, hopefully, for me too.

Love,
Tonja

Ramblings

OK, so this is what's on my mind.

1. I hate cars. I wish we could catch a ride in a bubble like in Meet the Robinson's. Every time we think we are going to get ahead, one of our cars needs some maintenance. GRRRRR!

2. Time is going by too fast, and yet not fast enough. This year, Abbe turns 8, Emma turns 17 (tomorrow) Issa turns 18 and starts college, and my little boy starts Kindegarten. Too fast. However, being the introverted person I am, I long for the time when all my kids can care for themselves, and I can have time to myself. A conundrum. But not really. I know that time will come all too fast, and if I don't slow down and enjoy them while I can they will be gone. So that's what I will do.

3. I hate politics. Enough said.

4. I love Fall. I know we are in the middle of summer, but Thursday I register my little kids for school, and that's fallish, and this is the time of year I start scanning the scenery for "Changing". Changing delights me to my soul. I love summer for it's beautiful flowers and butterflies. I love Spring for the promise of new life. I adore Winter (until my birthday), but I never tire of Fall. It is cool. It is beautiful. I love the apples, and pumpkins and gourds and leaves.

Ok so that is what's on my mind tonight. What's on yours?

Love, Tonja

Maurissa's Prom Pictures

Isn't she lovely?

Isn't she wonderful?

Maurissa and Lexy before going to dinner

She had a great time at her last prom... :(... Where does the time go?

*sigh*

Love, Tonja

tile

OK. Here is the tile just after it was layed. No grout, just laid out.

Below is the decorative tile we put between the regular tile and the tub.

And here is a close-up of the porcelain tile.

Next will be pics of the finished tile, the installed toilet, the installed sink, and some of the drywall!

WOOT!

It's really coming along.

Love, Tonja

Maurissa has been accepted to UW Baraboo! Yay!

Way to go, Winkie Bean!

Remodel Pics - Demolition

Toilet and sink are gone...

Abbe helping Daddy pull out the flooring...

And it's gutted.

Whew!

More pictures to follow in the next couple of days.

YAY!

Love you,

Tonja

Remodel Pics - Before

One picture of our bathroom, "before".

Sorry about the paint sample on the floor!

And another. Yes, change will be a good thing!

I am sure you are as anxious to see the after photos as I am!

Love you,

Tonja