Warning: This post is psycho.

It is 11. I should be sleeping. My mind is running amok as ususal. At the same time, I am not thinking anything that could be considered a rational thought. I have little slivers of thoughts that go by at the speed of light. I can't make it slow down. I have a problem with going to the doctor. I think I am trying to avoid hearing one tell me I should lose weight. Duh. I am actually alive, and not brain dead. I know that. I also am trying to avoid hearing that my problems are anxiety related. So, instead of risking hearing these things, I just don't go. I am 3/4 retarded. I have too much to do, and my thoughts and life are too disorganized. I am tired. Probably because I stay up too late all the time. I really can't wait for Jesus to come back. I think that may be it. I am restless because I don't belong here. I want to go home. I want the struggles and fears and pain to be gone once and for all. What looks to some as someone who can handle alot is actually someone who can shove things down really awesomely and also someone who is a master at a little art called denial and oblivion. I wish I was normal. I definitely am not. Things would be a lot nicer if I was.

what do i want to be when i grow up?

Well, I am completely and totally destitute. I got a 60% on my project. I think that speaks volumes. I am not supposed to be an accountant. If I can't do well in Accounting 201, how the crap am I supposed to get through the rest of it? Just when I thought I had it all figured out. Now I am questioning everything again. Poop.