What is wrong with me?

On Sunday, at church, the Moody Symphonic band was there, and they led our worship.  It was really beautiful.  Toward the end, they had the congregation join them in the hymn "How Great Thou Art".  I started sobbing.  So hard.  I had to bury my face in my hands so I wouldn't make those around me uncomfortable.  Why?  Because I cannot hear that song without hearing my daddy's bass voice singing right next to me.  And that hurts so bad.  It makes me miss him so acutely...Then today, my mom sent me an email reminding me to send a card to my dad's twin brother Lyle because Saturday is his 70th birthday.  I did send him a card.  I am really happy to do so, but...I HATE that I can't celebrate my dad's 70th birthday with him.  In March, he will have been gone for 10 years.  A decade.  But I can't let him go.  I just can't.  I still miss him.  I still want to wake up and find out it has just been a bad dream.  When I go to MN, I want him to be sitting in his chair and see his face turn into one big smile at the sight of his grandkids.  I want to hug him, and feel his hug right back.  I want to tell him that if I sat down and tried to imagine the best dad in the world, I could never have even imagined someone as wonderful as he is.  I want to tell him that life on Earth was a million times better when he was here.  I know I will see him again.  I long for that day.