Friday, May 13, 2011

:/

Well, it is official. I have lost it. I mean, like, for real. I think I have had a real live honest to goodness mini nervous breakdown. I cannot handle this anymore. Thankfully, I don't have to for a while. I did not have a good semester. I am almost positive I got a D in algebra, and that means I have to take it again. grrrrr! I don't have the time nor the money for that. I am a math IDIOT I tell you, and it is so frustrating, because I feel like I am an intelligent, capable woman who can do anything I put my mind to. But apparently that does not include math. I really didn't do well in any of the classes I had the second part of the semester. I don't know. I kind of stopped caring and I HATE that! I am feeling very discouraged. Like I should just cut my losses and move on with my tail between my legs. I am so stressed, I just don't even know what to do. No school for 3 months, (at least). That should help. I hope. I am done. No more school. I should feel JUBILANT. But I feel like going in a dark room and BAWLING my eyes out. And SCREAMING until I can't anymore. I am feeling disillusioned, and SO MAD at myself for being such a loser. I should be able to do this, WELL. I should. But I can't. and I hate that.

2 comments:

Sandi said...

Tonja,,,, I hope by now you have gotten a grip. Those things happen. AND,, if you feel you need to take a year before you continue, then do it!! What will one year do in the whole scheme of things. I think you have had way too much on your plate for the last year and 1/2. Think of it. Missy didnt do well her first semester in Madison, and what responsibilities did she have?? You have been trying to do it ALL and then wanting to do it at the top of the class in every situation. Please just take a look at all you have accomplished. You are a VERY smart and capable woman and I am very proud of you. But we have have limits, I dont care who we are. Just make a list of everything that you are responsible for and look at it realisticly. Would you expect any other person to be on the top of ALL you are doing? I love you Tonja and I want you to be happy, so if this collage is making you stressed and sad. Give it a break. I love you VERY VERY much and I am so VERY VERY proud of you

Love, hugs and prayers
Mom

Unknown said...

Hey, sis!

I know that these kind of things, failures, suck. But we all have to go through them. As I always tell Josiah, if you never fail (make mistakes, do something worng), you never learn. Right now, it's hard, and I know that it feels so very disheartening, but you are alot smarter than the grade gives you to be. Yeah, so math may not be your strong suit, and sometimes when we know those things, we give up way to early. Maybe this is that sort of case... I don't know...

All I know is that I love you, sis. And know that I'm rooting for you all the way... And don't hesitate to ask your math-fluent bro is always ready to help at any time... Just a phonecall away... ;)