....hmmmm.....

Today is the epitome of a melancholy day for me. It has been a fairly relaxing, uneventful day, yet strangely unsatisfying. I am sure some of that is hormonal. I just have an urge to buck tradition. Take my kids and just go. Experience things. Enjoy each other. I mean, who says we have to work 40 hours a week, and have to live in a house, and drive a nice car, and so on and so on and so on, just to be "successful" and "happy". And then there is the fact that my darling boy is sick. It's one thing after another. A month ago, his asthmas was bad. That cleared up, then on Wednesday of this past week, strep. Then Friday of this past week, ear infection. Today, his asthma is acting up, and he either has a cold in his eyes, or pink eye. It is a little bit ridiculous. Perhaps it is the time of year. It is the time of year when I lost my dad. It is the time of year that Will made the decisions that got me where I am today. It is strange, because traditionally Spring is a time of hope. But for me, personally, it is a time of great sadness. It's not that I even dwell on these things. It seems that the emotions are just there. Phantom feelings.

A Better Ressurection by Christina Rossetti

I have no wit, no words, no tears;
My heart within me like a stone
Is numbed too much for hopes or fears.
Look right, look left, I dwell alone;
I lift mine eyes, but dimmed with grief
No everlasting hills I see;
My life is in the falling leaf:
O Jesus, quicken me.

My life is like a faded leaf,
My harvest dwindled to a husk:
Truly my life is void and brief
And tedious in the barren dusk;
My life is like a frozen thing,
No bud nor greenness can I see:
Yet rise it shall--the sap of spring;
O Jesus, rise in me.

My life is like a broken bowl,
A broken bowl that cannot hold
One drop of water for my soul
Or cordial in the searching cold;
Cast in the fire the perished thing;
Melt and remould it, till it be
A royal cup for Him, my King:
O Jesus, drink of me.