Gilbert Moteberg

Well, in 2 weeks it will be 17 years since my daddy died.  And all I can do is cry.  Still.  Am I ever going to stop missing him?  Am I ever going to just be able to accept the fact that he is not here and he's not coming back?  I know it can't be normal.  I keep trying to understand why I can't seem to let him go.  I have thought at times that I keep mourning him because I don't want to forget him.  And I am sure that is part of it.  Then I think, well, its because he was so special.  And that is certainly true.  I am starting to wonder if its that he died about a year before my life got turned upside down and all the emotions of that time are swirled together and since my dad is the only thing from that time I want to think about....I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me.  But I am starting to really think that is what it is.  Regardless of WHY, the fact remains that I miss him.  I just want him to have never gotten sick.  I just want my kids and grandkids to have him in their lives.  I want him to have been able to retire and travel and enjoy his retirement that he worked SO HARD for!  It is soooo unfair.  He'd be 77 right now.  There are TONS of people who are 77 and older and healthy.